Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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