you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
