We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
