Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
