Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
