Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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