he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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