Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize