is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
