he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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