So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
