Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
