I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
