The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
this boner is exhausting
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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