Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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