So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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