Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
