I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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