would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
