Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize