so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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