I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
