You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize