I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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