I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize