He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't turn off my feet"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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