He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize