I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
