I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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