we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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