I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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