Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize