The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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