I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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