when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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