So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
