Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
