38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
