like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
