There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
