I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
