were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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