The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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