weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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