I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
