hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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