u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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