Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
