Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
