Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
