If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
