I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
