Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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