i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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