I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize