There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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