I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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