I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
