We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
