I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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