It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
