hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
