I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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