well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
