Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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