I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
