I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
