Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
