whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
