Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
