Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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