After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
