That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
