im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
