Can i not drive my cunt home
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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