Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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