Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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