Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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