I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
