mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
