Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
