Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
