I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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