i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
