this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
