Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
