I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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