oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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