Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
