please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We need a shit load of segways right now
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize