Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
