I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
