you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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