If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
