she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
