while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
