I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
