She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize