i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
