He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
